Featured Masonic Paper of The Month

An Attentive Ear through Active Listening

By: Richard D. Marcus, P.M.

Some early Masons were illiterate. They learned from hearing and repeating, much like a catechism. The Worshipful Master asks, “How shall I know you to be a Mason?”  The Apprentice learns to reply with the proper response. Aside from learning what to say when being posted, you are learning to hear, learning to reply; actually improving your abilities as a listener.

Listening and replying is how we learn language and how we learn to succeed in school.  It is not surprising that listening plays a pivotal role in our Masonic ritual.  Each lodge meeting gives new opportunities to recharge our skills as listeners.

Unfortunately, most people listen poorly.  They day dream or they think of other things.  Inattentive listeners hear only, “yatta, yatta, yatta.”  They listen distractedly. They are only half listening, thinking about something else, or working on their next witty reply. Few are ever trained to be good listeners.  But the craft asks us to be attentive listeners.

 

We are told that the Jewels of a Fellow Craft are an attentive ear, an instructive tongue, and faithful breast. The attentive ear receives the sound from the instructive tongue, and the mysteries of Masonry are safely lodged in the repository of a faithful breast. Clearly we are urged to be attentive as a listener. 

 

Do you think that you could listen to a stone? 

 

Well, we can hear the tumbling murmurs of river rocks knocking along a streambed.  We can listen to gravel crunch beneath our feet on a path. To the fault-finding Pharisees during Jesus’ entrance into Jerusalem, “I tell you,” Jesus replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.” (Luke 19:40). If you can hear the wind or listen to stone, certainly we should become effective in hearing our brothers in lodge.

How can we become more attentive listeners? 

 

There is a blueprint for becoming much better listeners. The system is called Active Listening. An active listener is intentional.  He wants to hear.  There are several clues that a person is intentionally trying to listen.

 

First, the active listener looks at the person speaking. They quit whatever else they were doing.  If a person continues to complete a text message on his phone while supposedly listening to you that is a dead give-away of inattentive listening.

 

Second, an active listener decides to be sincerely interested in what the other person is talking about.   Teenagers are noted by showing disinterest in what adults are talking about, and they are seen as rude.  We do not wish to be rude but harmonious.  So our attitude is one of avid interest regardless of whether we agree with him or not.

 

Third, an active listener takes notes.  Bringing a pad of paper and pen to a meeting with the boss shows intentionally interest in what will be said.  Preparation and note-taking have not disappeared in the epoch of the i-Phone and computer.  What dates, what times, what people, what actions are to be done?  Taking notes makes the speaker feel that his words are heard and recorded on paper.  As our lodge gives out programs, this is a great place to take notes as active listeners.

And lastly, and this is usually the considered the crowning jewel to active listening, the listener repeats some of the comments said and asks open-ended questions using terms of feelings or emotion.  An active listener is encouraged to interpret the speaker’s words in terms of feelings. Some useful words to use while rephrasing the speaker’s words can be:  “I gather that you felt angry (confused, frustrated, excited, etc.) that [a particular event] happened.”  Active listeners use “I” rather than “We” to make the reply more personal.  

Regardless of whether or not you like to talk about your own “feelings,” the exercise of repeating with some adjectives involving emotional sensations reaffirms understanding. Women are particularly attuned to having confirmation that the listener is listening, but really everyone feels reassured that their message is being understood.  The speaker is encouraged to go beyond confirming that the listener understood what happened, but can indicate that he also understood the speaker’s emotions.

What are the benefits of active listening?

Active listening has several benefits. First, it forces people to listen attentively to others. Second, it tends to avoid misunderstandings, as people have to confirm that they do really understand what another person has said. Third, it opens people up, to get them to say more using open ended questions.

Practicing listening skills may not seem necessary, but many of us need to improve.  If we improve our listening skills, it will benefit us in our work, marriage, and our Lodge.

Consider the following simple exercise in active listening:

Suppose you were teamed with another person in lodge.  You ask person to tell you about their first job, about their family history, or where they came from: 

• If you asked that person while multi-tasking doing something else like reading a newspaper, you would find it hard to recall the next day what their reply was.

 

• If you listened, but if you were prohibited from asking any follow up questions, your recall would only be slightly better. 

 

• But if you listened attentively as a Active Listener and asked open-ended questions on how that first job felt, doubtless you could tell me the entire conversation the following day.  Like mnemonic devices that help people remember lists of things, emotions are keys to hearing, understanding, and remembering.  Asking how something felt to that person will register in the brain long after.  

 

Exercise with 2 volunteers:  What was your first job?

 

Active listening is a technique of listening and responding to another person that improves understanding.  It deliberately focuses attention on the speaker by looking them in the eye, intentionally staying interested, is reinforced by intentionally note-taking, and is greatly enhanced by asking open-ended questions that turn on emotions.  When we listen, let it be with honesty in our hearts.   Let us be loving and grateful listeners so that we demonstrate that we have an attentive ear.

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